Monday, 15 September 2008
<<<-the first one one is me...
I woke up this morning feeling lighter. I slept like a baby last night for the first time in ages.
People have often asked me what its like being adopted. Or they say I am lucky, had a good childhood... so what's the problem.
The problem has always been this feeling (expressed many many times) that I am a disembodied twitching limb, with a body 'somewhere'.
That feeling worsened (oh how it worsened) when I discovered five years ago that after I was given away my parents married, and had more children. All girls. So that somewhere there were sisters.
OK, birth sisters. Not sisters born out of childhood fights and cuddles, laughter and tears, shared escapades with Mummy's lipsticks and stealing her high heels to wear while making bonfires in the woods. But sisters all the same. Full blood relatives.
Apart from my two sons, I have never been able to look at a face and know I am related 100%, with that comfort that comes from recognition. Facial features.
I have now talked to two sisters on the phone, and met two more thanks to the internet... masses of emails, photos winging their way hither and thither.
Yesterday, I was bombarded with photos, from these lovely lovely people. Anyone who has met me knows what I'm like. Instantly friendly, most of the time. Open, enthusiastic, talkative. A giggler.
I was on the phone all afternoon to two smashing people who sound exactly - but exactly - like me. Our voices are the same. We have the same giggle -a two-note eclamation. The same rhythms of speech. And both were as open and bubbly, and full of it, and enthusiastic as I catch myself being so often then wonder how people take it sometimes.
But hey. It's me. Or it's us. Or something.
I have photos of all four sisters. Lovely photos. Beautiful photos. And yes, there are strong likenesses.
I have photos of my parents. First time I have seen them. I look like my father, I think, but have my mother's eyes.
And its such a silly thing, but the best question among all the questions flying over the ether yesterday. 'Your legs. Have you got our legs?' and laughing at having stocky legs.
And no, I do not expect to suddenly have close and undying contact with these lovely people who were so welcoming yesterday. But who knows. Maybe something will grow, slowly. I hope so.